Lauren: Beginnings

I love the beginning of things. I love mornings: fresh brewed coffee and quiet. The first line of a book is exquisite. Often my favorite parts of movies and TV shows are the starting points, when you first meet the characters, before the plot twists, tragedy and change. I love creation narratives. In my opinion the best things are those which are fresh, new and anticipatory.

I’ve known this about myself for a long time and never given it much more thought than that. I see that I like the feeling of having possibilities ahead of me. In the beginning, anything can happen and nothing is predetermined. It speaks to my other love of independence—at the beginning there is a blank slate and no hindrances or entanglements. 

In my life there have been a series of times where I’ve had the joy and exhilaration of fresh starts and completely new experiences: committing to university life in a city and state that I’d never visited. Moving to a new city and job for a season, meeting and living with completely new and unknown communities. In those moments of pause before leaping into a new experience, I have felt vitality that is unparalleled. 

The more I think about this love of beginnings, I realize that it does not come without a window into what I most dislike and fear: being trapped, hopeless, in a rut, powerless to change my own situation, a lack of fresh air. In its most mild form, this manifests itself in selfishness over my time, decisions and perceived “freedom”. In other more serious moments, I become aware of a fear of life which has lost its vigor, fulfillment, excitement, and ability to change. What I most fear is looking back at times of my life and wondering in frustration and despair, “How did I get here? If I could only go back to the beginning, I would do _______ differently.” 

In this space I am prompted to hear these promising words:

“The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is thy faithfulness.”
-Lamentations 3:22-23

Because my life is tied up in God’s care for me, I remember first, not to fear. Second, the Lord reminds me that newness is readily accessible. In my heart, mind and soul, freshness is possible. Even in my life, wherever I may go from the springboard of some beginning, change and vitality are also offered, big or small. Some days the freshness and warmth of my morning coffee is all I need. Other days, the promise of a new friendship, the joy of learning, a new “first”, the remembrance of God’s continual renewal and creation. I love to think that God is constantly making things new, and will still ultimately make all things new. Even in the end, it is also a beginning, with the promise of going further up and further in.